13. "I hold the experience to match your requirements." MEANS: You're probably looking for someone more experienced, because I made up what I wrote.
12. "I am a hard working person." MEANS: I can go hours sitting at my desk on youtube.
11. "I am a people person." MEANS: I can hold a conversation for more than 2 minutes without getting sidetracked.
10. "I don't take lunches." MEANS: I do, but at my desk while watching youtube.
9. "I am willing to relocate." MEANS: Anywhere is better than prison.
8. I appreciate hard workers." MEANS: Exactly what it says, because they do all the work!
7. "I am very professional." MEANS: I have an organizer.
6. "I am very adaptable." MEANS: I've changed jobs a lot.
5. "I have a great sense of humor." MEANS: I know a lot of over-said and un-funny jokes and I tell overuse them.
4. "I am great with co-workers." MEANS: I've been known as the loud mouth.
3. "I take pride in my work." MEANS: I blame others for my mistakes.
2. "I work well with computers." MEANS: I can use Microsoft Word and can make backgrounds for Powerpoint!
1. I look forward to hearing from you. MEANS: Yeah, I have applied for 3 more jobs.
Got Any Resume Lies?
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